I had prodromal labor since Thursday. Prodromal labor is when the contractions begin to get stronger and closer together but it is not quite active labor. Active labor, I learned, was when contractions were 5 minutes apart and lasting 1 minute for 1 consistent hour. So Thursday the 2nd of February, 2012, I was at 20 min apart all day. I drove Alex to work that morning and it was difficult to drive while undergoing such pressure, I decided this would be my last day of driving. On my way home I stopped at my mom's to watch some TV and take my mind off of the waves of pressure. I covered myself with a red fleece blanket and watched I Survived and other shows. It felt good to be there. That evening my dad visited and I got home pretty late to Alex making dinner. I didn't sleep that night, contractions would wake me up every time I started to get somewhere with the sandman. I was reminded about one of the stories in Spiritual Midwifery in which a woman describes them as the waves of the ocean; they rise, they reach a peak, they fall and recede until the next one. That was exactly how it was.
Friday morning they sped up to 10 minutes apart and they were lasting about 45 seconds. I had Jade come over to bring me eggs since Alex and I couldn't drive and we were hungry. We
called Genie who was at work in L.A. and she said she would call Jodi to come over and analyze the situation, check my dilation, and assess my progress. Jodi came over and did all of that, she was pretty excited and thinking out loud saying I'd probably go into labor within the day. That got me pretty excited because the sooner I had the baby, the sooner I'd be able to have a good night's sleep. I was becoming pretty delirious and weak-feeling. Jodi spent the day with us and into the night. After Genie got off of work she came over too and seemed pretty stoic, not excited like Jodi was. She told me that this was prodromal labor and that I could go one or two
more weeks like that. That sounded awful and disheartening because the contractions, again, were waking me up
and keeping me up all night. They would suddenly hit me at their peak and I couldn't breathe through
them. At that point, I'd literally wake up screaming sometimes because they would rise as I was drifting and there was no way to prepare myself. They suggested Alex and I go take a walk to see if we could speed things up. When we were about to head out Gabi, Alex's mom, came over with groceries and candles and things we had wanted to be present for my labor. Alex somehow stayed behind and I walked around the block with Jodi helping me when she needed to. I remember stopping around the corner and grasping the pole of a STOP sign trying to get through a contraction, I thought about how curious I might look to anyone who drove by. We made it around and when we got back I went around with Alex. Genie, Jodi, and Gabi stayed behind.
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| My sister, the ottoman |
When Alex and I returned, my mom dropped Joz, my sister off. I didn't want to see my mom or want her around at all. I was very clear inwardly and outwardly about who was okay to come over and who was not. Because I was lacking so much sleep I think it made me really lucid and sensitive to any kind of vibrations. Alex, Joz, and I went walking further around the neighborhood and Joz mentioned that she felt that Genie and Jodi ignored her. This made me really concerned and I curtly told her not to tell me those things. Alex elaborated kindly to her that I was very sensitive and didn't want to hear any negativity at all, Joz understood and didn't say another word about it. I felt sorry I had been curt with her, she had been nothing but support and help. When we got back, the midwives said their goodbyes along with Alex's mom. Genie told me to call her when I was in active labor and to try to get some sleep either by taking Calcium/Magnesium or drinking some wine. She was afraid that I wasn't getting enough sleep which would be
dangerous if I went into labor sleep deprived and exhausted, which I certainly was
at that point.
I didn't take anything that night and again had awful pain over night and woke up sleep deprived again. The next day, Saturday, was a blur. I don't know what happened that day, I remember rocking in my chair a lot and trying to read. I talked to Joz. Alex fed me good nourishing foods. I tried to walk. I felt huge and dirty and still bummed I hadn't gone into labor. And still so damn tired. I felt afraid that I would have to get transferred to the hospital if I became too tired to labor at home. That really wasn't an option in my mind. I had a short fuse but tried to laugh, Joz was really good for that. That's why I had her there, to make me smile and help me relax. That evening, I showered and finally opted for the wine. Joz, Alex, and I put on Parks and Rec and he poured me a couple of glasses of red organic Cabernet. Almost immediately my contractions spaced out about 18 minutes. I was so incredibly relieved and feeling tipsy to boot. We went to bed and I slept, finally.
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| Jodi and Genie |
I was able to sleep pretty well Saturday night until
about 3a.m.-ish when I felt the contractions come back very strongly. I was up and thinking about how I wanted to go back to sleep and I wondered if I could pour myself another glass of wine since it had helped so much. At 4a.m. I
felt a really strong contraction, the strongest one yet, and my water broke with a POP! I gushed out onto the sheets and woke Alex
up. I'll never forget that. "Alex! My water just broke!". He leaned over and sleepily said "Yay!" and kissed me. His excitement was reassuring and comforting and I stopped having a short-lived mini-panic attack. It reminded me that this meant we were going to have our baby soon. He brought me towels and dried me up and helped me walk to the bathroom. I must have sat on the toilet over an hour unable to move. Alex started to time them and they were
consistently 5-1-1: active labor had begun. I made my way back to the bed somehow and he called Genie. She came right away and called
Jodi who got here shortly after too.
I had my eyes closed most of the time and moaned. I held Alex's hand as they would rise, peak, and let go as they fell. They progressively got much stronger and closer together and I handled some really well, meaning I didn't scream. The birthing pool was filled but our midwives said I couldn't deliver in it
because it was too shallow, but the warm water was awesome relief during
the contractions. "The Midwife's Epidural", one of the midwives later called it. I labored between laying in the bed, the pool, the birthing
ball, and the toilet. Alex kept telling me to keep my eyes open and I didn't know how to do that. I would try to start off the way but by the time I was in the middle of them I was just trying to survive, regardless of what my eyes were doing. He would help me breathe slowly and deeply and it helped a lot to do that, but I needed to keep being reminded. The midwives kept me hydrated with water and Recharge, nourished by offering me fruit, and going to the
bathroom, which was hard for me to do. The transitions between places was especially rough because they were
coming so close together and would hit me even on my way from the pool to the toilet which is only like 6 feet away. At one point they told me I needed to lay on my side on the bed so that my cervix could open up on the underside. I laid there and moaned and sweated and nearly crushed all the bones in Alex's hand. At that point the contractions were back to back, no break in between. I had begun the infamous Transition phase. I felt like throwing up and I told the midwives so once I got back to the living room where the pool was. I sat in my rocking chair and ate a banana, Genie checked the baby's heart rate and it was steady as ever. I got back in the pool. 
When I was 9.5 cm dilated in the pool I
started getting the relentless urge to push. The midwives warned me not to
because I still had a lip of cervix that could swell if I pushed without being fully dilated. If it did swell
with a push it could be several more hours before the baby could come. It took every last tiny
ounce of me not to push but within 20 minutes I was complete and they moved me
immediately to the bed to start pushing. It was like, "Go, go, go!" It felt good and natural to get on my
hands and knees for a couple of contractions, and finally felt so good to be able to push with no one telling me not to. Genie told me it wasn't
being very effective so they suggested I lean on Alex who was sitting on
the bed against the wall and spread my legs out and push that way. That was a great idea, I wanted to be near him anyway and what better way to be than in his arms.
After the first contraction in that position Genie could start to feel the
baby's head so she told me to feel it. I felt it. I didn't care so much though I was really just
trying to focus all of my attention on resting as much as I could between contractions and
putting all of my energy into pushing. At first I was making a lot of noise and then Jodi said "Your baby isn't coming out through your mouth". She meant that I shouldn't waste energy yelling because it would detract from the energy that I needed to send down my pelvis. I rested on my lover and best friend in between them and would feel a contraction coming and push with all my might. Genie had been putting oil around my labia as I was crowning and it burned like hell. I told them it felt like it was coming out of my butt and they laughed. They angled the mirror on our dresser forward so that we could see what was happening. Again, I was less concerned with watching than I was with doing. Joz and Jodi alternated turns taking pictures of the whole thing. The last contraction right before she was born, Jodi hilariously said to the baby whose heart rate had been steady the whole 9 hours up to this point, "You better come out with this next push or Aunt Jodi's gonna give ya a spankin'!" That made me smile wide. Finally, after 23 minutes pushing, the
baby's head came out and in the same contraction so did the
whole body!! It felt like the biggest poop one could ever take. It was so surreal like "What just happened? It's done? Oh my God a baby!". Genie lifted her up to me and I exclaimed "It's a giirrrllll!!!". I was so surprised, I had placed bets it was going to be a boy but I was so incredibly overjoyed she was a girl. She cried right away and it was beautiful. She was placed on my belly immediately, we waited for
the cord to stop pulsating, and Alex cut it after a couple minutes.
About 5 minutes later I delivered the placenta which was the easiest part for me, it just slid out with the next push and contraction. 
It was
awesome to be done.
I felt SO GOOD. Empowered. Relieved.
I DID IT! I did it.
About the bed.. fresh sheets covered the mattress itself then a big
plastic tarp-like sheet covered the fresh sheet then another cloth sheet
covers the plastic and then chucks pads covered that, pretty much like the
ones you use to train dogs. I birthed on those and nothing got on the
sheets underneath them. However, to be sure, after I held the baby for a
long time and nursed her for the first and incredible time, I was able to shower and while I was showering the midwives took off the top sheet and the plastic covering and
when I came out I was able to lay with the baby on the sheets that were
at the very bottom (warm flannel mmm). Those chucks pads were also used
at the beginning when I would walk from place to place because I was
leaking blood from my mucus plug coming out. Is that not the most
beautiful imagery?!
They weighed the baby and took measurements. She measured 19 inches and weighed 7lbs 8oz. They measured her head and Joz put a diaper on her and changed her into a onesie. Genie showed Alex how to swaddle her. The midwives gave me instructions on how to take care of her bellybutton and how to take care of my vagina. I had gotten massive hemorrhoids and tore just a little bit so Genie had to stitch me up. It was really swollen and raw down there and I was extremely afraid of having to poop for weeks after. Jodi showed me how to freeze MaxiPads and put Witch Hazel on them to help my healing. They said they were going to eat at the Circle because they were hungry and Genie said she would be back the next day for a postpartum visit and they left us.
I cuddled my new baby and smelled her. She smelled so good, her skin was the softest. She slept. Joz hung out in the living room while Alex and I napped with our daughter. My mom came over while we were napping and admired her from a distance, she brought her some clothes. She took Joz back home. We got up to eat and Alex changed her diaper. She had black meconium poop, LOTS. Alex kept pronouncing it mAconium and it was funny. Alex's parents came over that night, too. His mom also admired her and brought her clothes. We texted everybody a picture and received many congratulatory messages. Alex's parents went home and we went back to bed. She slept the whole night. I slept really well. I would wake up pretty often to try to breastfeed her but she wasn't really interested, she had had a long day, too and needed sleep just as much as I did. I whispered to her how proud I was of her and stared at my beautiful baby, my eyes welled up and my heart filled with gratitude as it has every day from that day forward. As we speak! That's where our journey really began.
It felt RIGHT and natural to do it without medication or interventions and I was so blessed to be able to. I didn't think about receiving any kind of pain relief at all, I had already accepted that this was going to be challenging but worth it. I plan on having more babies the same way, God willing. My body completely took over and I had no choice but to trust its process and be in awe of it and gratitude towards it afterwards. Even the pain was a beautiful thing. I feel like I have no right not to feel what every woman is supposed to feel when undergoing such a rite of passage. I mean, it's PUSHING A HUMAN OUT OF YOUR VAGINA, of course you're supposed to feel that, no?! Alanis Morissette wrote that nothing can really prepare you for that and she was right. I felt completely supported by everyone around me, all four of them. I wouldn't call the contractions "painful" necessarily either, I would just call them INTENSE. It helped too that the midwives were so wonderful, professional and compassionate.
I could not ask for a
better birth partner than Alex who gave me so much strength and was
right there with me every step of the way, every second, patiently
lovingly holding my hand. I don't think what little grace I labored with could have been attained without his encouragement. He called me beautiful at one point and his love was my lifeboat of resiliency in a sea of uncertainty. Our world was flipped right side up when this little girl came into our lives and he has taken it all in stride by being the best father I have ever witnessed.
So yes, it went exactly how I wanted it to go
and for the reward it brought I would do it again in a heartbeat...
well... in a few more years hahah. I cannot understate how much I
recommend having babies this way. We never left the comfort of our home
and I got to shower after and put on my own clothes, eat my own food,
and lay in my bed with my family. Again, BLESSED.
